I was just in the middle of an intense battle; the angel on my right shoulder and the devil on my left shoulder got into it over some news I received from a good friend. I was eating lunch at soubaMarket when my friend Ehsan FaceTimed me. He told me that he just accepted a job offer at Google. The angel on my right shoulder reacted with pure joy for Ehsan because he worked very hard to land this role and I was really happy for him.

Immediately after I congratulated Ehsan, the devil on my left shoulder whispered, “How did this guy get a job with Google before you?” Without acknowledging the devil on my left I flashed a huge smile while secretly feeling jealous and resentful. I stayed quiet without inquiring any further details about the job and rushed off the phone claiming I was receiving another call.

Sitting at the  table, I started hating on Ehsan for accomplishing something that brought him happiness. The angel on my right quickly intervened and asked, “Why can’t you just be happy and support Ehsan? He worked really hard to get this offer and even called you to share his moment with you.” The devil on my left responded, “Because I’ve been trying to get a job with Google for the longest and I deserve this more.”  They continued going back and forth for the next 7 minutes trying to make a case as to why I should or shouldn’t be happy for Ehsan.

Listening to them go at it, I drifted into the clouds questioning my character. Why would I ever hate on my friend for achieving a goal he set for himself? Am I a good person?

As I began to detangle my thoughts, I realized that the way I handled Ehsan’s good news was about my immaturity and disbelief in myself. My insecurities led the devil on my left to feel comfortable asking me how Ehsan got a job first.  I perceived Ehsan’s news as a loss for me which allowed me to feel so resentful. Instead, I should’ve been embracing and celebrating Ehsan’s good news to ignite hope for the success coming in my time of harvest.

When I drifted back to the table, the angel on my right and the devil on my left were still going at it. I took 7 deep breaths to quiet them down. I realized that having this brief moment of jealousy and resentment for Ehsan does not make me a bad person but instead, this was a moment to learn and grow. You reap what you sow. Giving unselfishly creates a win for everybody. I called Ehsan back and continued our conversation, congratulated him once again on his new job, and I celebrated the win as if it was mine.

Fast forward 6 months, we’re co-workers at Google. Be aware of your jealousy. Weigh the consequences of jealousy and envy. Be honest with yourself when you notice your thoughts and feelings heading down a negative path.